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Opinion: Please forgive us, Europe, for giving you bad NFL games

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Opinion: Please forgive us, Europe, for giving you bad NFL games

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As a country, we’ve given the world some truly cringeworthy things. The Kardashians. Krispy Kreme. David Hasselhoff. The Backstreet Boys. Twitter and Facebook.

And beginning again this weekend, the NFL in Europe.

For almost two decades now, we’ve been exporting our version of football, first to the United Kingdom and now also to Germany, and it has been, almost without exception, awful. Like Urban Meyer-in-Jacksonville bad.  

Of the 39 games played since 2007, in only two have both teams come in with winning records. (And one of those was last season, when the Kansas City Chiefs and Miami Dolphins brought identical 6-2 marks to Frankfurt, Germany.) There have been 12 games in which both teams had losing records, including that scintillating battle of 0-3 teams (Vikings and Steelers) in 2013.

It gets worse! More than half of the 78 teams – 40, to be exact – have slumped into Europe with losing records, with nine of them being winless. That included the 2017 Cleveland Browns, who would finish the season 0-16 after going 1-15 the previous season.

The U.K. and Germany are our most important and steadfast allies, and this is how we treat them? By sending them the dregs of the NFL? It gives new meaning to the term “ugly Americans.”

Unfortunately, this year’s slate of games isn’t much better.

The Minnesota Vikings and New York Jets kick this year’s International Series off Sunday in London. Now, the Vikings are undefeated, only the second team to take a perfect record overseas. Sam Darnold has been one of the season’s biggest surprises, powering one of the NFL’s most explosive offenses.

As for the rest of the group …

The Jets are .500 and last week didn’t score a single touchdown. Did I mention this happened at home, too? Oh, and Aaron Rodgers is again producing more drama than highlights, with rumors swirling about his relationship with Jets coach Robert Saleh.

Soap operas can be entertaining, but the British don’t need to borrow one of ours. They have the royal family.

After the Jets-Vikings comes a two-week takeover of London by the Jacksonville Jaguars. Seriously. What did London do to the NFL to deserve such cruelty? The Jags have played in London more often than any other team – this month’s games will be their 12th and 13th – and not once have they brought a winning record. Remember those nine winless teams that crossed the pond? Jacksonville has had three of them – and could easily have a fourth when it makes this next trip. If Roger Goodell is angling for knighthood, this isn’t the way to go about it.  

The Jaguars’ opponents, the Chicago Bears and New England Patriots, have combined for three wins and 10 offensive touchdowns so far this season. Tom Brady’s teams these are not.

This year’s European tour wraps up in Germany, which has actually gotten some good games. In 2022, Brady had a big day as he and the Bucs survived a late rally by Geno Smith and the Seattle Seahawks in Deutschland’s inaugural contest. Last year, Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs raced out to a 21-0 lead in the first half only to have Miami make things interesting with a pair of TDs in the third quarter.

The Germans won’t get that lucky this time. Yes, the New York Giants-Carolina matchup looks a little better now that Andy Dalton has replaced Bryce Young as the Panthers’ quarterback. But the bar was low.

Besides, fans in Munich will still be subjected to Daniel Jones. How do you swear in German? Or say, “I saw better quarterbacks in NFL Europa!”

I’m sure the NFL isn’t trying to foist its worst teams and abysmal matchups on our European friends. I’m also sure the league doesn’t much care. Between expats craving a taste of home and Europeans eager for the chance to see a game live, the games will sell out regardless of how putrid the teams are.

So on behalf of all Americans, I’d like to apologize to the people of London and Munich. You deserve better. But look on the bright side! At least we haven’t subjected you to Jerry Jones.

Follow USA TODAY Sports columnist Nancy Armour on social media @nrarmour.

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